Light Switch Read online

  Maybe, like me, he wasn’t quite sure how to acknowledge our sordid, silent affair without screwing up our close friendship. Physically, we were as platonic as any friends. Visually, we’d stepped into far more intimate territory. There was a balance to be struck, and as long as we didn’t discuss it, we could play stupid until such time as we knew how to address the elephant in the window.

  Matt broke the silence and brought me back to the present. “So, up for some hills today?”

  “I don’t know.” I glanced over my shoulder at him. “Can you keep up if we do?” I leaned down and grabbed my toes.

  “Oh, shut up, of course I—” He paused. Cleared his throat. “Of course I can.”

  “Right, of course you can.” I stood. “As long as it’s just the little hills, right?

  “Woman, I’m going to leave you in the dirt on those hills.”

  “We’ll see about that, shit talker.”

  “I will. Just watch.”

  “Pfft.” I turned around and shot him a playful glare. “More like you’ll be watching me.”

  Our eyes met and we both froze. Matt quickly dropped his gaze and muffled a cough. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to see if you can keep up.”

  “Yeah, I guess we will.”

  He looked at me again, and we both cracked cautious smiles.

  I nodded toward the road. “How about putting your money where your mouth is?”

  “Bring it on.”

  We headed out onto our customary path toward the park. As soon as we’d fallen into our usual, comfortable cadence, our conversation followed suit. Safe, mundane subjects were easy to hide behind, so hide behind them we did.

  “So how’s work?” he asked.

  “My job is the reason ‘work’ is a four-letter word.”

  He laughed. “Shitty week?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “Must be contagious. I’ve been ready to murder about half a dozen of my clients.”

  “I know the feeling.” I clicked my tongue. “What kind of idiots were you dealing with this week?”

  “All kinds. This one jackass came in on Friday afternoon. Ugh.” Matt groaned. “He wanted this elaborate full-color three-fold brochure. First, all the photos he wanted us to use were copyrighted, so I told him we’d have to go with stock photos. Didn’t compute in his tiny little brain.”

  “Sounds like a real winner.”

  “Oh, it gets better. They wanted us to write the content.”

  “He obviously doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, then.” I tried unsuccessfully not to snicker. “I mean, he wants this to attract customers, right?”

  “Shut up.” Matt elbowed me playfully. “Anyway, on top of all of that, he insisted that the front of the brochure had to have a metallic hologram on it.”

  “A hologram of what?”

  “Their logo, which was cheesy enough without being holographic. And it made absolutely no sense with the rest of the layout or the purpose of the brochure, but it was part of the douche bag’s ‘vision’, so no matter what, it had to have this stupid hologram.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “On top of all of that, he wants five hundred copies by noon tomorrow. And his budget? Two hundred bucks.”

  I released a cough of laughter. I didn’t know the ins and outs of Matt’s pricing matrix, but I’d seen enough to know that was ridiculously low-balled. “So what did you tell him?”

  He shrugged, pausing to wipe some sweat from his forehead. “I very diplomatically instructed him to suck my cock.”

  “How exactly does one ‘diplomatically instruct’ someone to do that?”

  He flashed me a grin. “I have my ways.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  “Ah, well.” We rounded a corner and started across the park on the asphalt foot path. Matt went on, “At least I get a break pretty soon when I go to Denver for that trade show. A week and a half of letting my business partner deal with all the bullshit.”

  “Must be nice.”

  “Oh, it is.” He grinned. “So, anyway, what kind of crap has been going on where you work?”

  “I’ve got suppliers who suddenly don’t think they need to keep their delivery dates.” I paused as we jogged around a mother pushing a stroller. “One of my biggest vendors called me last Tuesday and can’t fathom why I’m upset that the massive shipment of brass that was due on Friday is going to be delayed almost a month.”

  “A month? Jesus, my clients would have my head.”

  “Believe me, I’ve got a few people after mine. Customer service, manufacturing, upper management, you name it, they’re all coming down on me right now. If that damned brass doesn’t show up by Friday, I won’t be surprised to hear from the President, the Pope, and the Prime Minister of Iceland.”

  Matt laughed. “Does Iceland even have a Prime Minister?”

  “I have no idea, but if it does, I’ll probably hear from him.”

  He chuckled. “Sounds like we both needed the weekend to show up.”

  “And it wasn’t a moment too soon when it finally did.”

  “Amen to that.” He paused. “Speaking of not being at work, you coming to poker night this week?”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from grinning. This had to be a subtle way of bringing up my now defunct relationship with Alec. Alec hated it when I went to the weekly poker games with various other tenants in Matt’s building. Half the time, he persuaded—whined, manipulated, badgered—me into spending those evenings with him.

  “I will absolutely be there,” I said. “Think I’d miss an opportunity to screw you out of some money?”

  “Well, I didn’t figure you would,” he said, laughing softly. “I just figured…” He glanced at me.

  “Figured Alec might throw a shit fit like he always does?”

  Matt nodded.

  I made a dismissive gesture. “He’s out of the picture now.”

  “Really? I hadn’t realized the two of you split up.”

  “Yeah, a few days ago.” As you already know, but you deserve an Oscar for pretending you don’t. “About damned time, too.”

  Matt snorted as we continued down the footpath toward the hillier end of the park. He hadn’t liked Alec any more than Scott had. In hindsight, the fact that my two best friends couldn’t stand my boyfriend should have given me a big fat clue. Live and learn.

  “So, I take it you’re not terribly broken up over it?” Matt said.

  “No, not at all.” I hesitated to mention Scott, but since Matt already knew, there was no sense pretending I’d been alone since Alec left. “Hell, I started seeing one of my friends before the week was out.”

  Matt stumbled. His head snapped toward me as he regained his footing. Then he quickly said, “Oh. Really?” That wasn’t an act. His surprise was genuine. Maybe he hadn’t seen me with Scott last night after all. Maybe he’d only watched me while I was alone.

  Clearing his throat again and casually wiping sweat from his brow, he added, “That’s good, that’s good. I mean, I’m glad to hear you’re not holing up in your apartment being miserable.”

  “I spent enough time doing that while I was with Alec, thank you.”

  He laughed, but it was half-hearted. “Well, everyone will be thrilled to see he’s not keeping our favorite player away from us anymore.”

  “Favorite player?” I eyed him. “I didn’t think you all liked losing that much.”

  “Oh, whatever.”

  We went on chatting as we continued around the park a few blocks from our apartments. As the conversation wandered, I couldn’t help thinking I’d truly caught him off guard. From the moment I mentioned Scott, Matt seemed…off balance. Longer and longer pauses punctuated our half-hearted banter. Every smile was forced and every laugh was tentative. When we raced up a couple of hills, his usual competitiveness was tepid at best, even when he beat me to the top of one particular place where I usually won.

  He’d known about Alec’s and my split, that much I could tell, but Scott h
ad come out of left field and thrown Matt off somehow. My revelation had caught him off guard, and his reaction had done the same to me. Were there lines here that I needed to read between?

  On the way back to our buildings, he released a breath. “Man, it’s good to get out of the house. My apartment’s been closing in on me all weekend.”

  “You’ve been sitting at home?” I said. “No hot dates this weekend?”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “Haven’t been out on too many since Elaine left.” He paused. “To be honest, it’s been such a relief to have her gone, I’ve just been enjoying the peace and quiet in my apartment.”

  “Oh, there’s a shock.” I didn’t even try to hide the sarcasm. There was less love lost between Elaine and me than there was between Matt or Scott and Alec. It might have been a tiny bit of jealousy on my part, since she’d snagged Matt. Or maybe it was because she was a territorial, screeching harpy who deserved to spend her life alone in a house full of cats instead of making my gorgeous, good-natured neighbor miserable.

  Maybe just a little bit of jealousy.

  “Anyway, I’ve been out a bit,” he said. “Just, you know, a one nighter here and there.”

  Lucky bitches. “Can’t blame you there. I’m starting to think relationships are entirely too much bullshit.” We slowed to a walk as our apartment buildings came into view.

  “I thought you said you were seeing someone, though.”

  “I am, but it’s just…” How candid should I be here? The man has seen me naked. He’s watched me masturbate, for God’s sake. I swallowed hard. “It’s nothing serious, let’s put it that way.”

  He chuckled. “I’ve heard that line before.”

  “No, I mean it,” I said. “Really. He’s, well, he’s into some things that I’m not, so I don’t think we’d be compatible for anything more than what we’re doing now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Polyamoury, mostly.”

  “Oh really?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. He’s got a girlfriend and a couple of submissives—”

  “Submissives?”

  “Yeah.” I grinned. “He’s into BDSM.”

  “Oh. So I assume that’s something else you’re not into?”

  “It’s something I’m curious about. That’s why we started seeing each other. He’s showing me the ropes.”

  Matt grinned. “Showing you the ropes? How apropos.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, something like that. So, anyway, the kinky stuff is fine, but I don’t think I could be poly.”

  “I’m with you on that,” he said. “To each theirs, but I just don’t think I’m built for that kind of thing.” He was quiet for a moment. “I never realized you were into kinky stuff.”

  My heart skipped. We’d never discussed our sex lives, let alone any kinks we might have had. I swallowed. “You never asked.”

  He glanced at me, a smile tugging at his lips beneath cheeks that may have been flushed from more than just our recently concluded run. I half-expected a smartass comment, but it didn’t come. Matt had always been a little on the shy side, especially compared to one shameless Scott Moore, but not like this. Not with me, at least not since we’d gotten to know each other.

  We said little until we were in front of my building. There, we stopped, both looking at the pavement and lingering, our unsaid goodbyes keeping our feet planted. This was where we usually parted ways with something quick and casual. For some reason, that didn’t come and we didn’t move.

  Finally, he spoke as he shifted his weight and rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen, um, do you want to come by tonight? Grab a movie, maybe a couple of drinks?”

  I smiled. “I’d love to, but I’ve got plans tonight.”

  Our eyes met.

  Yes, I wondered if he could see in my eyes, those kinds of plans.

  He offered a shy smile. “Oh, okay, well, maybe another night.”

  “Let me know when you’re free. I’m usually around.”

  “Will do.”

  We were both quiet for a moment, avoiding each other’s eyes.

  He shifted his weight again. “Well, I guess I’d better let you go.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I, um, I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

  He cocked his head. “Wednesday?”

  “Poker night?”

  “Right, right, of course.” He laughed, his cheeks darkening. “How could I forget? I’ll see you then, if not sooner.” And a little more color emphasized his fuck, did I really just say that? grimace.

  I pretended not to notice. “Sounds good.”

  The grimace turned to another shy smile. “Okay, well, have a good night.” He cringed. “A good day. Have a good day.”

  I laughed. “You too.”

  With murmured goodbyes, we went our separate ways. As I walked into my building, I smiled to myself. He may not have been watching last night, but I had no doubt he would be tonight.

  Chapter 5

  When Scott arrived at a little past seven, I wore the blue satin robe as he’d ordered. I closed the front door behind him while he looked me up and down.

  He stroked his chin as deep concentration lined his brow. “Just as I figured. It looks even better on you than it did on the hanger.”

  “So you approve?”

  The corner of his mouth curled up as he looked at me through his lashes. “Oh, yes, I approve.”

  I smiled. We hadn’t yet moved back into dominant/submissive mode, but his approval or lack thereof still controlled the tightness of the knot in my stomach.

  “Wine?” I asked.

  “Yes, please.”

  “Red or white?”

  “Red, of course.”

  In the kitchen, I poured one glass. As I handed it to him, he cocked his head.

  “You’re not having any?”

  “Not tonight, no.”

  He swirled his glass and grinned. “A lot of people are inclined to drink when they’re nervous. Yourself included.”

  “You’re assuming I’m nervous.”

  “I’m not assuming.” Without taking a drink, he set the glass down. “I know you are.”

  “Do you?”

  “I do.”

  “And how do you know this?”

  “Aside from the fact that you’re venturing onto the kind of unfamiliar ground that would make any sane person nervous?” He raised an eyebrow. “And you have no idea what I have planned for tonight?”

  I swallowed. “Yes, aside from that.”

  “Your arms are folded so tight, you’re digging your fingers into your upper arms.” He gestured at me. “You don’t want to do that too long, or you’re going to leave marks. And the only one who’s allowed to leave marks tonight is me.”

  I looked down. He was right. I uncrossed my arms and rested my hands on the counter.

  “Very observant,” I said.

  He smiled. “I have to be in tune to you. I need to know if you’re nervous, uncomfortable, upset. That’s part of being a Dom.”

  “Is it?”

  “Absolutely. I can’t be a mind reader, but I have no business asking you to submit to me if I can’t pick up enough on how you’re doing to keep you from freaking out.”

  I swallowed again, this time with more effort. “Is that something that happens a lot?”

  “Not with my subs, it doesn’t.” He paused. “I mean, it can, and it has, but I owe it to my subs—all of my subs—to do everything I can to keep things from getting to that point.”

  “Good to know.”

  He picked up the glass and swirled the wine again, watching the untouched red liquid for a moment before looking at me. “So, I know you’re nervous, but are you still comfortable with this?”

  “Yes,” I said without hesitation. “It’s new, but it’s not making me uncomfortable. I trust you.”

  Scott smiled. “Good. Well, with that in mind”—he gestured down the hall with his glass—“shall we?”

  I said nothing, just nodded and s
tarted toward the bedroom. In the mirror in the hallway, I caught him looking at my legs. The robe fell just far enough down the backs of my thighs to skirt the very limits of modesty, leaving little to the imagination. I didn’t say a word, though. I just smiled to myself and kept walking.

  I closed the bedroom door behind him, and as I did, he said, “I assume you’re still okay with the window shade being up?”

  I glanced over my shoulder at the window. Matt’s lights were off. Maybe he was there, maybe he wasn’t. If he was, all he had to do was look.

  I turned back to Scott. “The shade’s fine.”

  There was a question in his eyes, in the way they flicked toward the window and back to me, but he didn’t give voice to it. Instead, he sipped his wine and set the glass on the nightstand. He unbuttoned his left sleeve and rolled it to his elbow. Once it was neatly in place and he was apparently satisfied with it, he moved to the right. With both sleeves rolled, he reached for his wine again.

  He watched me over the rim of the glass as he took another sip. The glass clinked on the nightstand again, and when Scott looked up, his expression had shifted. His lips formed a tight, thin line, and his eyes narrowed just enough to make my heart jump. From friend to Sir in seconds.

  I held my breath, waiting for his command.

  “You remember your safe words?” His tone was flat, devoid of the warm friendliness with which he’d spoken earlier.

  “Yes.”

  He arched his eyebrow.

  “Yes, Sir,” I corrected.

  “Tell me what they are.”

  “Red if I want to stop completely,” I said. “Yellow if I want to slow down, Sir.”

  A single nod told me he was pleased with my answer. Looking me up and down, he walked toward me. Then past me. Around me. Goose bumps rose beneath the thin layer of satin. I wanted to shy away from his scrutiny. I wanted to seek out his approval. I could do nothing but stay still and silent.

  He walked around me again. Behind me, he stopped.

  “Untie the belt.”

  With unsteady hands, I obeyed. When the knot was undone, I let the loose ends of the belt drop to my sides. The front of the robe fell open, and cool air met the ribbon of exposed skin.

  A single fingertip trailed down the center of my spine until it hooked on the back of the belt. Slowly, he pulled it back. Satin hissed across satin as the twin ends rose beside my hips before slipping out of the loops. The robe fell further apart. If Matt looked now, he’d be able to see the thin strips of black lace that passed for my bra and panties. My mouth watered. Look, Matt, please look.