The Best Laid Plans Read online

  At the door, I paused. I’d been to Gabe and Shahid’s a million times, but I was nervous this time. I had no idea what to expect.

  Deep breath. This conversation didn’t have to make things weird. It would be awkward and strange, but we were all adults.

  I glanced at the Halloween wreath.

  Okay, more or less adults.

  Then I knocked.

  A moment later, Gabe opened the door and smiled. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I said.

  He stepped aside and waved me in. “Coffee?”

  Just the thought of any kind of stimulant made me jittery. “No coffee, but maybe some water?”

  “Sure.”

  We headed down the hall. Something smelled delicious. Heavily spiced, so Shahid must’ve been cooking tonight.

  Sure enough, as we stepped into the kitchen, Shahid was standing at the stove, prodding at something in a frying pan with a spatula.

  “Hey.” He smiled shyly. “Just in time.”

  “As if I’m ever late when I know you’re cooking.”

  He laughed as he moved the frying pan to a cool burner. “Oh, this? No, this is my lunch for tomorrow. We ordered pizza.”

  “What?” I pouted playfully. “You’re so mean to me, Shahid.”

  “Fine.” He gave a dramatic sigh and rolled his eyes. “We can all share this, and I’ll just eat whatever the cafeteria serves tomorrow.”

  “Honey, your husband and I are at the mercy of a school cafeteria. You’re not getting any sympathy from me.”

  Gabe gestured at me with his glass. “She’s got a point.”

  “Hey!” Shahid narrowed his eyes. “Whose side are you on?”

  I folded my arms. “Answer carefully, Gabriel.”

  He gulped. “Um.”

  Shahid arched an eyebrow. So did I.

  Then all three of us laughed, and Shahid finished preparing dinner while the three of us made small talk. Small talk that even carried over into the dining room, which was unusual, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why we were suddenly so interested in the minutiae of our respective jobs. All through dinner, the unspoken subject hung over our heads like a flickering fluorescent light. It was there. It was noticeable. Whenever there was a lull in the conversation, the buzz made my skin want to turn inside out.

  I wasn’t the only one who noticed, either. Nobody made a lot of eye contact. Shahid didn’t say much at all. Gabe picked at his food, and a couple of times, I thought he might make a quick escape to get sick. It wasn’t the food that was bothering him—Shahid had made this for both of us before, and Gabe loved it.

  Eventually, we’d finished as much as we ever would, and we moved into the living room. I took the armchair while they sat on the sofa together.

  “So.” Gabe cleared his throat. “I guess I’ll be the one to say it—we should talk about, uh, what we brought you over to talk about.”

  I folded my hands in my lap to keep from wringing them. “Yeah. We should.”

  The three of us exchanged glances. The invisible fluorescent buzzed and flickered.

  Gabe fidgeted. “To start with, there’s the legal side.”

  “Yeah,” Shahid said. “If we go through with this, we’ll need to come up with an agreement of some sort. Something on paper.”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  He shifted a little. “The thing is, the law’s kind of vague about this stuff. It’s one of the other reasons we were iffy about surrogates. Because we’d be putting a woman in a very tough position. Even though I can’t imagine us backing out and leaving her with the baby, there isn’t a lot of protection for her—for you—if we did.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been doing some reading about the logistics. It’s kind of a minefield, and not one I’d venture into for anyone else.” I moistened my lips. “But I trust you guys. I hope you can trust me.”

  “Absolutely,” they both said.

  “And I’m happy to sign an agreement to let you guys legally adopt the baby,” I said. “I’m not in a position to be a mom right now. All I’d ask is for at least some visitation.”

  “Of course,” Shahid said quickly. “We were planning an open adoption anyway. That would be even easier here since we know you.”

  I nodded. “It would. But if you guys decided to move away, or if I did, I’d like to have some kind of agreement in place.”

  “Good idea,” Gabe said quietly. “We can pay for an attorney to draw something up, and—”

  “I think we can split the cost for that,” I said. “But yes, an attorney, definitely.”

  “Agreed,” Shahid said. “And while we’re on the subject of agreements.” He paused as he put his arm around Gabe’s shoulders. “We’ve decided any children we have will be taught about both Islam and Catholicism. Do you have any objection to that?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I’m agnostic, but I don’t really have any strong feelings either way. Especially since I know neither of you is an extremist.”

  “Obviously you’ve never been through Lent with this one,” Shahid muttered.

  Gabe elbowed him. “Hey. Hey.”

  “I’m just saying. That year you gave up coffee for Lent—”

  “Was no worse than when you tried to fast for Ramadan while you were sick as a dog.” Gabe rolled his eyes and groaned. To me, he said, “You ever tried to convince a medical professional that he’s being a dumbass about his health?”

  Shahid snorted. “I’d say it’s payback for all the times I’ve had to practically barricade you in the house before you’d call in sick.”

  I laughed. “You boys are adorable, you know that?”

  They both chuckled, and Gabe’s cheeks turned a little pink.

  Shahid pulled him in and kissed his temple and then turned to me. “Anyway. No, we’re not extremists, but I wanted to put that out there just in case it was an issue.”

  “I know what you both believe.” I smiled. “If it was an issue, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

  He smiled back, nodding slightly. “We’ll spell it out in the agreement to be clear, but…good. It should also spell out responsibility for expenses. We’re happy to cover anything you need.”

  “Well, the school district’s insurance should cover the medical expenses,” I said.

  “Whatever they don’t, though, we’ll certainly help out.”

  “Thanks. And, um, full disclosure—if we do go through with this, it might take a little while to work. I’m on the pill right now, and I think they say it takes like a month for everything to go back to normal.”

  Shahid nodded. “Understood.”

  “Well.” Gabe cleared his throat, glancing cautiously at Shahid. “That month could be our opportunity to decide if we’re, um, compatible.”

  Shahid’s brow furrowed. “Sexually, you mean?”

  Gabe nodded. “Figure out if we can even do this. And if you’re really okay with it.”

  His husband swallowed, not looking at either of us.

  I chewed the inside of my cheek, not sure what to say.

  “We don’t have to do this.” Gabe took Shahid’s hand. “There are other ways.”

  “Not many.” Shahid met his gaze. “Neither of us is comfortable with IVF. Adoption isn’t looking good. I don’t know what other ways are left.”

  “I know. But this is asking a lot of us.” Gabe glanced at me. “All of us. I don’t want anyone feeling like they have to do this.”

  “Well.” Shahid cleared his throat, eyes flicking from Gabe to me. “Technically it would be the two of you who do anything. Since, well, I want to be a part of this too, but I am gay.” He paused. “No offense, Kendra.”

  “None taken,” I said. “I’m straight, so I’m probably as interested in women as you are. It’s okay.”

  He of
fered a slight smile and nodded. “And no, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this. If either of you suggested this for any reason other than having a baby, I’d veto it in a heartbeat.” He shifted a little beside Gabe. “But since it is for having a baby, it’s different. I think?”

  “No one has to make a decision tonight,” Gabe said. “In fact, I think it would be best if we didn’t. We need to talk about it, but I think everyone should sleep on it before we decide.”

  I nodded, despite the fact that I’d been thinking about it and sleeping on it—sort of—for the last several days.

  Shahid tapped his fingers on his knee. “How would this work? I mean, are you going to be tracking ovulation or anything like that, or…?”

  I shrugged. “I can. Or I can go off the pill and we’ll just see what happens. Most of the women in my family get pregnant if they stand downwind of a man, so we probably don’t need to do any of that.” I studied him. “But if you’d prefer us to do that and only have sex on my fertile days, then I can.”

  “It’s up to you,” Gabe said to him.

  “I’m not sure.” Shahid sat up a little. “If we decide to do this, though, I do have a few, uh, requests for the two of you.”

  Gabe and I both watched him.

  Ticking the points off on his fingers, Shahid said, “No kissing on the mouth. Lights off. No oral. No—” He paused, glancing back and forth between us, and then chuckled. “Relax. I’m joking.”

  We laughed, and I was surprised at how relieved I was that he was kidding. And at how I was a little turned on at the thought of Gabe and me kissing on the mouth, lights on, oral…

  I tamped down those thoughts. I was pretty damn sure we’d do more than close our eyes and think of England, but this was for the purposes of conception, not setting the sheets on fire.

  “Honestly,” Shahid said, “I don’t mind if you both enjoy it. This whole process has been excruciating, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled that maybe one step could be enjoyable.”

  “I hadn’t thought of it that way,” I said.

  “He’s right, though,” Gabe said. “It would be nice for some part of this to not feel like bamboo shoots under my toenails.”

  Shahid laughed, but he still sounded a little uncomfortable.

  “You’re not sure about this, are you?” I asked.

  He sat shifted beside Gabe. “It’s definitely something I want us all to think through.”

  “Of course.” I fidgeted in the armchair. “And this may sound a little weird, but hear me out. We don’t have to jump right in and go for broke. Maybe Gabe and I could, erm, hook up a time or two using condoms. See if we’re compatible.” I gestured at Shahid. “And see if you’re really okay with us even going through the motions.”

  They exchanged glances.

  “She’s got a point,” Gabe said.

  Shahid raised his eyebrows. “So, a test drive?”

  “I don’t know about that.” Gabe wrinkled his nose. “Sounds a bit crass.”

  “Well.” I shrugged. “Given what we’re doing, I’d rather call it that than a dry run.”

  We all laughed, which at least eased some of the tension in the room.

  “There’s still a million things we should talk about,” Shahid said. “I’ll admit that the sex is hanging me up a bit, but…” He shrugged. “I’m getting used to the idea. And I definitely prefer it to any kind of crude, homemade artificial methods.”

  “Me too.” Gabe locked eyes with me. “Obviously we’re doing this for the purpose of a baby, but neither of us wants to reduce you to a brood mare or petri dish or something.”

  “That’s, um, appreciated.” I folded and unfolded and refolded my hands. “But honestly, whatever route you guys are comfortable with is fine by me. I just want to help you have a family.”

  They both smiled.

  “We appreciate that more than you can possibly imagine,” Shahid said. “Even if we don’t go through with this, I’m…” He shook his head. “Still kind of speechless, actually.”

  “Don’t mention it.” I paused. “So, what else do we need to sort out?”

  “We have a list, actually.” Gabe turned to Shahid. “Where did we leave that folder? Upstairs?”

  “It was in the kitchen last time I saw it.”

  “Perfect.” Gabe stood. “I can grab a couple of beers while I’m at it. Kendra?”

  “Yes please.”

  “Back in a minute.”

  * * * * *

  As we always did on Sunday mornings, my neighbor Mandy and I went for a run together.

  I was stretching on my front lawn when she finally emerged from her house across the street. She paused on the porch, leaning inside and yelling something, probably to one of her three kids. Then she joined me on the sidewalk.

  “Ready?” I asked.

  “Yes.” She groaned. “I need to get out of there for a little while.”

  Laughing, I fell into step beside her. “Kids trying your patience?”

  “That’s what they do, honey. It’s in their job description.”

  “Great.” On the way down the sidewalk past our houses, I said, “So, speaking of kids, I had dinner with Gabe and Shahid last night.”

  “That’s that gay couple, right? The ones who’re trying to adopt?”

  “Mmhmm.” I paused. “I think they might take me up on the offer after all.”

  “Seriously?” She glanced at me, eyebrows up. “You’re really going to carry their baby?”

  “Well, if they decide they want to go through with it.” I laughed. “Then I guess it’ll be kind of a trial run to see if I want to have any of my own.”

  She snorted. “Just watch, honey. This pregnancy will be a breeze, and then when you go to have your own, it’ll be—”

  I put my fingers in my ears. “La la la! I can’t hear you!” When I lowered my hands, we both laughed.

  “That’s how it is, though.” She wagged a finger at me. “Mark my words, lady—take nothing for granted when it comes to spawning.”

  I snorted. “Spawning? Really?”

  She shrugged. “Eh. They’re turning my hair gray and draining my bank account. I get to make fun of them if I want to.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “Seriously, though. If your first pregnancy is easy, and you press your luck, the second one will be awful. Ditto with the babies themselves. I mean, I thought Carlos was insanely easy. The pregnancy, his delivery, his infancy. So Miguel and I thought, well shit, let’s have another one.” She groaned. “Cue twins, bedrest, an emergency pre-term C-section, two months in the NICU, and now two hellions who think sleep is for the weak.” She brushed a few dark curls out of her face. “I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world or my pre-pregnancy body, but don’t think for a minute that it’s all sunshine and roses.”

  “At least the lack of sleep is going to be their problem, not mine.”

  She glanced at me. “Well, I mean, the hormones and stuff, they’re going to make a mess out of you. Being away from the baby probably won’t help.”

  “True. I can probably work something out with the guys, though. They want this to be a very open arrangement, and they want me to be involved, so…” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess… I guess we’ll see how it works out? If it works out?”

  “Are you having second thoughts about it?”

  “No. That’s…that’s actually why I brought it up. I feel like I should be having second thoughts, but I’m not. I’ve even tried to talk myself out of it, just to see if I could.” I shook my head. “And I swear, from the moment I thought of it, my mind has been made up.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I mean, they really, really want a baby. Anyone who knows them probably agrees they should be first in line to adopt any baby because they’re just that amazing.�
�� I brushed a strand of hair out of my face as we turned the corner at the end of our road. “And I guess, yeah, I kind of like the idea of a trial run to decide if I really want kids of my own or not. Which is ridiculous, but—”

  “Not really.” She wiped a little sweat off her forehead. “It’s a big undertaking. Physically, emotionally, hormonally—and that’s before the little bugger is even born. If you’re on the fence about it, getting a chance to experience some of it firsthand without the lifetime commitment is probably not the worst idea anyone’s ever had. By the time it’s over, I suspect you’ll know for sure if you want to do it for real.”

  “Yeah, probably. And either way, I’d still be involved with raising the baby. It isn’t like they’re going to take the kid away and disappear.”

  “Well, no.” She gazed straight ahead. “But keep in mind that legally, they could, depending on how you work out the arrangement. There’s only so much the law will protect you.”

  “I know.”

  We jogged in silence for a moment, until we were nearly down the next block.

  “So, uh…” She hesitated. “You said you guys aren’t doing IVF or anything?”

  “Nope. If we do this, it’ll be the old-fashioned way.”

  “Except aren’t they gay?”

  “Well, Gabe’s bisexual.” I laughed. “It’s a shame Shahid’s gay, though. That man is gorgeous.”

  “Yes, he is.” She whistled. “You’re a lucky woman to get a shot at playing with either of them.”

  “Seems like a fair trade if I’m going to have a baby for them.”

  “Eh, I still think you’re getting the shitty end of the deal.”

  “Probably.” I shrugged. “But these guys really, really want a family, and I don’t see how else it’ll happen.”

  She glanced at me and smiled. “You’re doing an awesome thing for them, sweetheart. Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself too.”

  “I will. Don’t worry.”

  As we continued our jog, we chatted about her kids, our jobs, and that asshole who kept parking his dilapidated Jeep in front of everyone’s mailboxes, until we reached our respective driveways again.